Not Me Monday!

Hellooooooo!! My favorite day of the week is here. No, I am NOT crazy, I just love Not Me Monday - and boy has it been a good week!! I hope that you will not laugh your pants off at my expense. You see, Not Me Monday is this blog carnival started by MckMamma at MyCharmingKids.net It's our chance to deny all the crazy stuff we did this week - see, it's like free therapy.

Ok, the biggest one is here... My four year old did not draw on 6 walls with a Sharpie while Mark and I were on Monday night date night. And if he did, I would not laugh my head off when I came home and saw the horrified babysitter. She was not completely freaking out - and I was not completely laughing -even when I was not scrubbing with Goof Off and Magic Erasers. By the way, I am not a total fan of Magic Erasers. But... on Friday night when Mark was still at work and I was not mapping my 10 mile run for the next day, the four year old did not strike again. Oh no, there is no way we would have Sharpies anywhere near this kid. So there is NO WAY he "decorated" his brothers room, two doors, and four of the walls he already got!! No, he did NOT because I would NEVER leave him unattended or with a Sharpie... At this point, I did not get really mad at said child and I did not put him in time out until he is 12. I did not sit there and Magically Erase one door while he sat on his bed and whimpered. I did not do that, but if I did, the scene would not look like this:
Ryan: Whimper, whimper, wail, wail
Me: "Ryan, don't you ever write on my walls again!" Scrub, scrub, scrub...
Ryan: Rolls around on bed, tries to get off bed.
Me: "Don't you dare get up! Do you see the mess you made? I'm very mad about what you did."
Ryan: Whimper, whimper, wail, wail...
It didn't work - he was staying put and ended up going right to bed.

Later, I did not give up on getting Sharpie off the wall and I did not leave it until it gets painted.

Ok, next embarrassing moment... I was not one of the auctioneer's at our Church's mission auction. I did not get ribbed by friends saying that it is a dangerous idea to put a microphone in my hand. I was not pretend offended. I mean, please, it's not like there is a short circuit between my brain and my mouth. I do not say what ever is floating through my mind. I am not missing a filter... Anyway, I am not on stage auctioning off this family history package. Basically, a local reporter will record your family history, through interviews, pictures, etc. The bidding was not super low and then it did not go something like this:
Me: "Ok, we have $125... Anyone want $150? Ed will interview your relatives and everything - well, of course the living ones." [I did not specify the living ones, I mean, isn't that obvious?]
I look around and look at the person who bid $100.
Me: "It's only fifty more dollars than your previous bid."
I look around some more.
Me: "Come on guys... For the extra fifty, we'll even dig up the dead ones."

I so did not say that in front of people!!! I would not be horrifyingly embarrassed if I did. I would not turn the color of my red shirt!! But, the worst part was, I did not exactly remember what I said, so I asked the other auctioneer what was so bad - and he said, "DIG them up." Oh - I totally meant find the dead ones. This was not being recorded and possibly put on the Internet.

Speaking of the auction, I did not ask some kids who were giving away a cleaning package if they could remove Sharpies from the wall. I did not bid on the boys when they said they could. I am not going to torture two sweet 8th graders with window cleaning, grout scrubbing, and Sharpie removal!!

On Friday night, I did not go to Agape's Volunteer Appreciation dinner with my twerps. I was not wearing jean shorts and a t-shirt while everyone else was dressed up. My kids did not have dirty faces and dirty clothes. (Might as well perpetuate the stereotype of special needs kids...) I was not a little upset with my husband for not telling me this was a dinner not a picnic!!

And finally, I am not seriously considering moving to a deserted island. I am not tired of taking two special needs children out in public and other "events" like picnics and church dinners. It is not more work than it's worth. Why can't my kids just act like normal, civilized, human beings? Oh that's right, they are not my children with a mom who is telling people for $50 we'll dig up their dead relatives!!

Well, I am not going to end on positives... I did not have a great chat with the kids in Children's Church. I did not explain to them about Zach's differences and my heart did not swell with happiness when two kids were super nice to Zach during Sunday School. Also, I am not already "loving" these two girls who have always been sweet to Zach at school and at church. I do not want to give those girls a million dollars for making me so happy!!

Oh yeah, and some guy did not pay my boys $1 each for helping carry boxes into the post office. I so did not actually take the money - I would never do that... Then we did not go and buy M&M's with the money. I would never let my children accept a reward for doing something they should do anyway!

So, what did you not do this week?