Alien Invasion

It's happened. The aliens have invaded my oldest son. I knew middle school years would be tough - I have been teaching middle schoolers for 17 years. (Yes, I started teaching at age 11 - I'm gifted like that.) I've always said that I'm not sure how I will survive the middle school years. I can't believe my sweet baby Zach will be a middle schooler next year. (I can't make this paragraph behave)

The alien invasion has been slowly happening. A little 2nd look at a girl here; an additional glance there... A little mood swing here; a little mood swing there. Then on January 16th at around 3 pm it happened. The full blown invasion. I'm not kidding. I know the exact day!

A little kid came over to play and when he left, Zach hasn't been the same. Kane was the UFO that brought the aliens. Defiance. Mood swings. Spastic behavior. I'm not ready for this. Zach isn't even anywhere near puberty but the aliens are here. And I don't know what to do... (And Kane is an adorable, great kid - he's full of energy, but he listens and stops doing what you ask him to not do - so I don't know how he got mixed up with these aliens...)

You see when teaching an alien-possessed boy, you send him home at the end of the day. You talk a good talk with the parents. You smile, you tell them this too shall pass. But you don't really have to live with it. As a parent, it's all different. I find my self frustrated. Yelling. Sending him to his room and then laughing about whatever he did. I'm just praying that God puts the right tool in my box. And here is where * I think * I deserve extra sympathy - Zach can't communicate well and this adds to the mood swings...

For example, yesterday we had complete meltdown because it was my turn to go to the dentist. His turn isn't for 2 weeks. He could not understand why he had to wait and he melted. A complete puddle of sobs. Over the dentist.

I'll keep you updated on adventures with a pre-pubescent alien-infested boy.

I know, how did these cute thing become one of THEM?!

So stinkin' hard

Here I am having a lovely day, enjoying life and thankful for all the blessings I have. Three days until Christmas Break and kids who are uber excited about Christmas. Finally, Zach gets that Christmas is not about Santa, but about Jesus' birthday. I'm feeling pretty good.

Then wham! A phone call that gets me shaking. Literally. I'm not going to elaborate on that phone call, but it's not a good one. And now I'm faced with something I am ill-prepared to deal with. And I don't know what to do or even what questions to ask. I'm stunned. Then, the realization that I need to talk to Mark about this- and that is going to suck. A lot.

I hurry home only to find out that he isn't here yet because of a super-long meeting at work. So four hours after the initial yucky phone call, I still haven't had a chance to talk to Mark. And this is driving me crazy, but is not the point of this post.

But the bottom line is, I find that I need to forgive two people. The one person who did something much worse is easier to forgive. The person who should be easier to forgive is much harder. Why is that? And why is it so stinkin' hard to forgive? I know it's important, I know why I have to, I just don't know HOW. I pray. I ask God but it seems like there should be more to the process. I don't know... like whack myself on the head with a thick Bible or say a certain prayer. So instead I will focus on scripture that addresses forgiveness.

And I will be thankful that it's not hard for God to forgive me. And that prayers of protection work. And that God made us all different and if everyone were like me, the world would be an even bigger train wreck. I am not sure that I will ever like this second person, but I can't let him take up so much space in my brain. Not forgiving him will not make this person nicer, more loving, or less legalistic. Not forgiving will make me equally bad.

Any hints on how to forgive? Now accepting all suggestions...

Ever feel like this?

I think we all have those moments where we wonder what is going on. I'm just lucky enough to have caught it on film... We all (except Zach) have that "Huh?" look!

The Littlest Mikarts is SEVEN!

Ryan is seven!!!  It's hard to believe that this little man has made seven laps around the sun!  Sometimes I wonder where time has gone and other days I wonder if he shouldn't be seventeen (you know on those really looooonnnnngggg days!).

Ryan is a spunky little ball of love and wiggles.  He has brought much joy and yes, much frustration (just being honest folks...) Here are seven random things I love about Ryan!

1. Ryan has this smile that is pure mischief.  He loves life and loves to smile and laugh.  Even though he doesn't talk well, he loves to joke around and have fun.

 2. Ryan is a lover!  He loves to give hugs and he is fantastic snuggler (as long as it is on his terms.)  When you pick him up, he just melts into you and puts his head on your shoulder.  It's 100% sweetness.

 3. He has earned the nickname, Mr. Wiggle-bottom.  He has this little duck walk where he sticks his bottom out and then bounces as he walks.  He also loves to jump -especially when you are trying to help him with his shoes and socks.

 4. Ryan is a charmer.  But don't ever tell him he is cute.  That is his invitation to "destroy" you.  When you give him the cute card, he turns into a terrorist. He knows exactly what buttons to push to get his way.

 5. Ryan is a whiz on the computer.  He loves to play games, listen to music and look at pictures (of himself, of course.  He would love to know that I made a whole blog post about him...)

 6. Ryan is tough.  He takes stitches without flinching (of course, removal of said stitches is much more traumatic). Even though he has a high pain threshold and likes to swat at people, he is compassionate. He doesn't like to see Zach cry and is right there giving hugs and kisses.  I hope he does this with his friends too...

7. Ryan is a helper.  He loves to clean up and he is usually the first to start cleaning up his mess.

I have often wondered if we would have had two kids knowing they would both have the funk. I am happy to report that YES we would!  Ryan is a crazy spunk ball who has richly blessed our family.  I love this crazy kid!!

Happy birthday little man!

Thankful

On Facebook, people are posting things they are thankful for and a pretty strange one popped in my mind.

I'm thankful for my kids' disability.

Yes, I'm thankful.

It has been a long, difficult journey to get to this place and I know that I won't be in this "place" forever. I'll backslide into the feelings of self-pity and the "it's not fairs".

But right now I'm thankful.

I'm thankful because there are so many things that I won't have to worry about. I don't have to worry about my kids getting picked on at school. I don't have to worry about them getting involved with the wrong crowd. I don't have to worry about them not being "smart enough" or "pretty enough" or "popular enough".

I'm thankful because they have so much joy. My 10 year old has his emotions right on the surface and he cries. He doesn't hold it in and try to be "manly". He cries and I can fix it - or easily distract him!

I'm thankful because they still like "Sprout" and aren't into TV shows that are "too much!" Dora the Explorer is better than some scantily-dressed girl.

I'm thankful because the bus picks them up at our driveway and there will never be a fight at the bus stop. (Ok, never mind, the boys fight with each other, but that's normal, right?)

I'm thankful because my kids aren't into expensive toys or clothing brands. They don't know the difference between a hand-me down and a designer brand.

I'm thankful because I won't have to pay car insurance for teenage boys!

I'm thankful because what the world sees as disabled, God sees as amazing potential. And I know that God will use my boys to do some mighty big things. In fact, I know He made them this way for a purpose that only they can do, with the gifts He gave them. Just like He made you the way you are and me the way I am...

There are so many more reasons I'm thankful for their disabilities. But just know that I'm blessed! I have met some amazing people, seen some amazing kids, and have been part of a supportive community. I've learned so much from my children and the victories we have achieved have been that much sweeter. This is certainly not the version of parenthood I signed up for, I'm thankful that it is the one I have!

Hmm... Something to think about

I'm a librarian. Actually, I'm a media specialist, but anyway, I read a lot of books for young adults.

I just finished this great book (Anything but Typical by Nora Raleigh Baskin) about a boy with autism. It is written from his perspective and it lets you see "inside" a child with autism. He and his mom go on a trip and the mom witnesses her son in his first social situation as a tween.

On the plane ride home, the mom says, "I want you to know this trip has been one of the best things I've ever done. All this time, I thought I was supposed to be teaching you. I was wrong. I thought you were supposed to learn how to get along without me. Btu it was me all along. It is me who needs you Jason. You've taught me so much this trip. You've taught me about being brave."

I think all children teach us adults and parents. But I think special needs kids teach us about being brave. It's tough for a neurotypical (that's what Jason calls us "normal" people) to get through this life in relatively one piece. But think how much harder it is if the world isn't set up for the way your brain and body work!

So I'm thankful that my kids are teaching me. They are teaching me to be compassionate. They are teaching me to look at the world from a different perspective. They are teaching me joy. And most importantly, they are teaching me to be brave!"

Not Me! Monday

Remember this? Where you deny what really happened... hoping people believe that you really have your act together! Or if you feel guilty about what's going on in your family... you realize that we all have goofs!

So here goes a Not me! Monday after many, many, many Mondays of not "Not Me"ing.

I'll start out with the biggest thing I need to deny...

I did NOT yell at my kids after they dropped a basket of crayons the minute we needed to leave for church. No, I would never "lose it" over something that can be fixed. And I would never in the middle of my yelling realize how ridiculous I sounded and keep yelling! No, I'm a perfect mom every time!

I did NOT spend an ungodly amount of time cleaning up baby powder. Because I always closely supervise my children, there is no way my little darling son would take it upon himself to apply his own baby powder. And even if he did, it would not be all over the family room or follow him like a cloud.

This will be continued after I think of other fun stuff to deny... Check back later!

Oh - I did not give my kids brooms and have them sweep their toys to the correct location! They were NOT excited to actually clean up!! I did NOT feel like a winner!!

I did NOT almost die after running 12 miles last Friday only to plot my next 12 mile run today. Seriously - those 12 miles felt like a marathon. Or wiat - did NOT feel like a marathon since I'm denying. Nevermind... I'm proud of those 12 miles even if it did hurt!