Monday, March 30, 2009

Not Me Monday!

Good morning! It's Monday... I don't think MckMamma is doing her blog carnival this week, but I am still going to deny a few things. But before I begin, I want to ask you to pray for MckMamma's family - her son is pretty sick and while literally millions of people are praying for little Stellan, more prayers can only help. Please pray for strength and peace for Stellan's family, wisdom for the doctors, and healing for Stellan. You can go to her blog at and get the details.

I do not feel bad that I'm keeping up with the Not me Monday tradition despite all the difficulties the MckFamily is dealing with. I do not relate on some level. She posted about being tired and I can understand. I do not get tired of all the junk that goes on with my boys. While my boys do not have a life threatening illness, they do have a life-changing syndrome. And I get weary of the doctor's appointments, tests, and most of all - weary of the not-knowing!!

But... on a lighter note... I did NOT cheat at Candy Land. I did NOT draw the double blue card so the game would end!! Zach did NOT previously beat me at a different game three times in a row. I do NOT believe that a kid losing once in awhile is good for him. I figure I've done worse things than cheat to end the game!! I mean I have NOT done worse things!

My boys do NOT have only one pair of shoes each. So if that shoe were missing in the morning, my husband would NOT go on a wild goose chase looking for the shoe. He would NOT frantically call me - only to have me say, "Well, go to Walmart, buy new shoes. He wears size 2." I would most certainly be sympathetic. And... if my kid did only have one pair of shoes, they would be great shoes right? They would NOT have to be duck-taped closed everyday by his teacher. You see, they wanted him to have Velcro shoes. So I buy Velcro shoes. Is it my fault that the only non-geeky looking Velcro shoes don't stay closed?? Do you know how hard it is to find sturdy, Velcro shoes?? My children already wear "goober hats" at school - I refuse to have their shoes be geeky too!! I am NOT ranting... Wow, who knew I would be so unpassionate about shoes?

As the perfect mother, I would NEVER forget to brush my kids teeth. Therefore, I would NEVER dread taking them to the dentist! I would NOT almost laugh out loud when the dentist told me that I should floss Ryan's teeth twice a week. She did NOT go on about how he already has challenges and we want him to always enjoy good food. Yep, that was her rationale as to why we should floss his teeth - to enjoy good food. Who cares about oral health - we want the kid to eat steak - and enjoy it. I do NOT feel guilty about the lack of attention to oral hygiene...

And finally, I am a teacher, so I am always well behaved at professional development seminars and stuff. I would NEVER play with my new Treo during a meeting. I would NEVER be looking at Twitter as I was walking to lunch - and the presenter is walking next to me... I would NOT sit down next to her at lunch and keep reading Twitter. And then, I would NEVER pretend that what I was looking at was actually super important!! Please, I do NOT love technological toys. I am a responsible adult... NOT.

Have a great week - and keep track of your "not me's" I would love to hear about them! Please pray for the MckFamily and Stellan!!

Sunday, March 22, 2009

Guess What? Not Me Monday!

Once again, it's Monday (or at least Monday somewhere...) and I am here to play MckMamma's blog carnival... Not Me Monday! This is a chance to have free therapy and deny what happened over the week. When you are done reading my brief list, head over there and check it out!!

I did not slice my finger with a knife while cutting a melon (I can't spell the type of melon)... Because I know how to use a knife. I did not wait 4 hours before I decided that I did indeed need stitches. I did not have Kate text a picture of my sliced thumb to Travis to see if she thought it would need stitches. While Kate was on the phone with Travis, I did not decide to go to the ER. I did not look forward to a few hours with Kate, because she graciously offered to go with me. I did not turn into an enjoyable afternoon because I had a friend with me - how twisted is that?? We did not take pictures for the blog - but I they are still on Kate's camera...

As a result of my thumb trauma, I am not wearing a stupid, huge bandage on my thumb. At least hitch-hiking will be effortless with the huge, white gauze "sock". I also did not have my husband hook my bra because I can't use the left thumb very well. And I did not just blog that...

I did not go to the Charlotte County Air Show, but park along the side of the road. There were not cool airplanes flying around, and Ryan was not the most excited about playing in the front seat of the car. I guess having a dad as a pilot makes airplanes unexciting.

I am still not wavering with my determination/excitement about running the marathon. I did not endure a long run on Saturday, only to find out that Meg thought she told me to bring some Advil for the middle of the run. I guess it helps with the soreness. I do not think this is cheating, but going to do it anyway... But on Saturday, after the long run, I did not use Icy-Hot as lotion!

This is a pretty lame list, but in my life, lame is good! Quiet is good. Drama free is good.

Here's hoping you had some laughs and good denials this week. I would love to read them - so let me know!

Wednesday, March 18, 2009

Ugh it's Wednesday!

So, here's my Wednesday:

I am "stuck" in this FCAT room and I figure that I can quite a bit done... I have decided that it is high time to get some things checked off my punch list. So the last two days, I have stopped procrastinating and I made a "kagillion" phone calls. Yeah. Go me.

Item #1:
Ryan's orthotic broke because the velcro came unglued. As a result, he is not steady falls more. I wanted to know if I glued it myself, would it void the warranty? I called the orthotic's place several times to talk to someone who should know how I go about getting this fixed. They never called me back. So today I called again -because they didn't return my previous calls. To replace a strap is $40. No thanks, it just needs to get glued. So the lady told me to bring the orthotic in and they can glue it, but they will need to keep it for several days. No thanks, he kinda needs them. So as it turns out, I can glue it myself because there isn't a warranty... Ugh, I could have fixed this on Sunday when it broke and saved my self the time and used my motivation on something else.

Item #2:
Genetics results from bloodwork done in November: I called the geneticist, no returned call. I went to the pediatrician. Nurse Jodi looked in his chart. Everything is "normal." No surprise, but why does everything come up normal when my kids clearly aren't "normal."

Item #3:
24 hour urine test. Back in November when I went to do the bloodwork, I needed to do a urine collection. I attached the little bag to Ryan and gave him lots to drink. Oops, I didn't get the bag on right so there was leakage, big time. We got about an ounce. No worries, it needs to be 24 hour's worth of collection. I put this off for a good 4 months. Because how do you collect urine for 24 hours from one child who is barely potty trained and the other child who needs a bag. PAIN IN THE NECK!! Anyway, while at the pediatrician's office yesterday, I ask for the lab slip. No problem, they start working on it. But they don't know the exact test. [Meanwhile, I have this sweet child from church with me and we are supposed to be doing confirmation stuff. Luckily she doesn't mind this little side trip.] I tell the nurse that I will go home and look at the notes from the geneticist and see what I can find. Not much more information there... so I call Jodi and give her what I know. Hopefully by next week we will have the paper work ready.

Item #4:
Dr. Kadasen: In December, I took Zach to see this developmental/behavioral peditrician to see what he thought about Zach. I think Zach is so complex and I heard this guy would do a great job "peeling Zach's layers". The appointment was a nightmare because I had to bring Ryan and Ryan was a booger. I think I blogged about this... Anyway, Dr. Kadasen set up the parent conference for two weeks later. The doctor ended up in the hospital because of complications of asthma. No big deal, we'll reschedule. At the end of January, the nurse called and said that they haven't forgotten about us and she will call to reschedule. She asked me some questions because she was transcribing his notes. Sounded good to me... She would be in touch. Well, it's the middle of March and I hadn't heard. I decided that I would go ahead and call. The number is disconnected. I say something to a friend of mine - but didn't mention the doctor's name and then says... "I was just meeting with a parent and she has been waiting to get her son in to see Dr. Kadasen for six months and then he died!" [The doctor not the son]. Well, that explains why I haven't heard anything... I figured that I could at least get some notes, right? So, I call the school he was affiliated with and pressed 3 for Dr. Kadasen. The phone says, "Goodbye" then there's the dial tone!! So I try again. Same thing. Finally, I try a different extension and I get a different number to call. I call, they tell me to try a third number. I do and leave a message. I have waited forever to find someone who could take the time to understand Zach from a medical perspective and he dies!! Ugh!

Item #5:
Project Rainbow respite care. Free babysitting! Sign me up!! I played phone tag back in December and then gave up. So I called today and left a message. Phone tag round two.

So, all this time, effort and motivation and what does it get me? Glue the orthotics yourself, your kids are "normal", wait on getting Zach to pee in a jar, all my hopes in Dr. Kadasen figuring out Zach is gone, and phone tag about free babysitting. All this motivation and I'm back to where I started. It might be another 4 months before this spurt of crossing of the punch list motivation comes back!!

Better luck next week, eh?

Monday, March 16, 2009

Not Me! Monday

Hey there! Monday did not totally sneak up on me today! I normally have my post all planned out by 7:30 in the morning. This blog carnival started by MckMamma at is the highlight of my Mondays...

I did NOT start the day behind the proverbial eight-ball and stay behind it all day. You see, I did NOT wake up 10 minutes before I was supposed to meet my running partner this morning. I did NOT call her husband at 4:50 in the morning to see if she had left yet. I did NOT run out of the house and forget my make up, flat iron, deodorant, and other necessities. I did NOT realize as I'm typing this that I forgot deodorant. I totally did NOT forget the little bit of morning maintenance...

I am sure there are so many other things to confess that I have simply forgotten about. They are probably NOT the usual ones - feeding children nothing but hot dogs, chicken nuggets and cereal. I am sure I have NOT snapped at my husband or kids. I am most certain I have NOT gossiped and I have NOT judged. But that is all boring. What I want to know is if you have ever NOT done this: Gotten yourself all worked up about something you imagine another person is thinking about you. But, that other person, probably doesn't think those things about you. Ok, I know I'm the only freak. But I did NOT do this while out running on Sunday morning... I was NOT on mile 13 and completely losing my mind. I did NOT start praying for a friend of mine only to have my prayer spiral into wandering thinking. Because I NEVER get off track when I pray. But if I did... I would start a conversation with this person in my head and then she would totally judge me and think she was a better mom because she doesn't work. The stupid thing is, my friend would never think that, but I'm so insecure that I think people think this. I'm sure you guys NEVER have moments of doubt -because I NEVER do!!

Happy Monday!

Saturday, March 14, 2009

Blue Ribbon Day

Today was the first Special Olympics competition for Zach! This winter, he learned basketball skills. These last few weeks, Zach has been running track. Today we had the county games at PineView. I was a bit nervous about the games because Zach hasn't exactly gotten the "gist" of the 50 m run or the softball throw. I was also a little nervous about setting him "free" at a competition. I was worried he wouldn't follow directions and drive everyone nuts. I was such a freak about this, that I almost backed out! I know, I know, silly...
But as you can see, Zach participated and won two blue ribbons for his third place finishes. (I won't mention that everyone got Blue Ribbons or that he was in a field of three...) But that doesn't matter - what matters is that Zach did it! He got the hang of what he was supposed to do and he had a blast!

He got his best time in the 50 m dash - he actually ran without stopping to look around! (I was thankful that he had a buddy running next to him because I was imagining Zach not knowing what to do and everyone getting mad... I know, I'm a freak.) For the softball throw, it did not matter that he used both hands (in practice he was supposed to use only one hand - and he kept using two - and this really stressed me out. But getting stressed about the wrong softball throw technique is not a topic for this blog. I know, I know, I stress about the wrong things.)
The fact that Zach did his best and we had a blast was actually not the highlight of the morning. There were so many student volunteers who were so loving and patient with my children. This was so tear-provoking. I take these boys places and we get mixed reactions - some people are overly nice, some people stare at them like they are freaks, and others just ignore. These kids were just perfect - they loved, they played, they guided, they encouraged, and they made Mark tear up. These kids didn't judge or "feel sorry" for my boys; they just had fun! I work with kids and I know that there are far more "good" kids out there than we realize, but these kids exceeded my expectations. I can't explain it, other than to say that they blessed my beyond belief.

Pictured below are Jake and Laura Beth who took care of my boys. When Jake gave Zach a hug and said, "You did fantastic!" Mark teared up (but don't tell anyone I told you that!!)

Zach wasn't in the soccer competition, but he actually has some skills! Maybe next year he can be on the soccer team.

The day started with an opening ceremony and the kids walked in to the Rocky theme song. Zach loved sitting by the big kids and his coach. I was so proud of Zach-man.

I can't wait until Zach is old enough to participate in the area and state games. We "snuck" into the county games because it is just local kids. Tonight is Challenger Baseball - another crazy sports thing. I'll blog that next week!

Monday, March 9, 2009

True Confessions, Not Me! Monday style

Don't ya just love Mondays? Its the perfect time to clean out the heart and mind through free therapy and a chance to deny what has been happening... Thank you to MckMamma and her faithful followers, we have this chance through Not Me! Mondays... After you read my denials, head over to her site ( and see what hundreds of other bloggers did NOT do!!

I am disappointed to say that this week has been rather un-funny. I am a bit limited in my confessions. But I do have a few... I am NOT totally jealous that my husband's cell phone was broken by our mischevious (or should I say, not-mischevious) four year old. I am NOT totally jealous that he got a Blackberry!! I do NOT totally want one too. I would NOT totally use one when I am looking for stuff to resell on Ebay. How handy would that NOT be to see something that might make some money and check - before bringing it home. But since I do NOT resell stuff that I bought for a buck, then I do NOT need to pretend that I need an internet phone. So... I am NOT totally listing everything in my house on Ebay so that I can earn enough money to buy one... That would be wasteful!! I am NOT about $50 short...

My four year old vandal did NOT strike again!! He is NOT a vandal, so he did NOT write on the kitchen walls, cupboards, and dishwasher with a Sharpie on Friday night. He did NOT choose a new color. But if he did, it would have been black. Mark has NOT started the painting project that has been growing...

This morning as I was getting ready for the day, I considered not posting Not Me's! because I usually try to make them funny and I don't have much material this week. But then, I decided that what I've really been struggling with lately is so common to us women, that I am going to have to Not Me! the internal struggles - that really are stupid, so here comes "True Confessions, Not Me! Style"

I do NOT struggle with my ability to be a "good mommy." I do NOT have some ridiculous idea in mind of what a "good mommy" does. I do NOT think that I should be playing with my kids all the time. I do NOT think that my children should be eating home-cooked food that is organic. (My stand-by hot dogs and chicken nuggets cooked in the microwave probably don't count as home-cooked.) I do NOT think that my children should be clean and tidy and have the cutest clothes.

So I do NOT set these ridiculous expectations on myself and then I definitely do NOT beat myself up when I don't even come close!! That would just be stupid, right?

Then I do NOT take it to the next level. I do NOT start considering my children's disabilities and I do NOT start beating myself up that I can't afford the latest therapy or the prestigious special-needs school. I do NOT start comparing my life to other people's lives. This does NOT spiral into self-flogging. Then I do NOT justify my own life with thoughts like, "Well, they only have one special-needs child. They have one "normal" child. They have more money. They don't work. They know what's wrong with their child" etc. So then I'm am NOT doubly doomed because not only am I beating myself up, but I'm judging and comparing!! I so do NOT do that!!

Oh, but it gets worse... I do NOT listen to my friends and think, "If only you had my problems..." I totally know that God gives us each different trials because we are each so unique and learn differently. I am NOT that horrible friend... But that's ok, because I know you think that too (or do NOT think that...). I do NOT realize that if I had a choice between my problems and your problems, I would probably pick my own anyway.

Then I do NOT take all these mother-ly struggles and apply them to my marriage... I just do NOT do that...

Can you relate? Or am I just crazy.

Friday, March 6, 2009

A great quote

As you may or may not know, I have to pretty complicated children.  I know - what child isn't complicated - but my little men have some huge challenges in their lives.  They both have pretty significant developmental delays - speech, fine motor, gross motor, cognitive - basically the whole package.  We've known since they were a pretty early age that they were delayed.  And it has been a really long road of hopefulness and acceptance. 

Initially, we were hopeful that we could fix their problem.  Then hopeful that we could at least find out what is causing their delay.  Then hopeful that we could at least have a name for what's wrong.  But all along, we have faced acceptance of the fact that we can't fix it and we don't even know what it is.  There are days that I wish I could just have a label, a box to fit in, something to grasp onto, some type of glimpse into what their future holds.  But God has not revealed that too us yet.  So we keep going through this cycle of hope and acceptance.

One of the things that scares me, and trust me, there is a huge list of scary things, is that I don't know what their future holds.  I pray that they can become independent adults.  I know that isn't much different than any other parent.  But my view of independence keeps changing.  That is tough.  It seems that every time I turn a corner, I have to dream a new dream.  And I guess that's where the whole Jeremiah 29:11 fits in that I talked about a few posts ago.

But today, I was reading in Good Housekeeping about Michael J. Fox's life with Parkinson's Disease.  He had a quote that really struck me.  He said, "... look at the choices you have, as opposed to the choices that have been taken away from you.  Because in the choices, there are whole worlds of strength and new ways to look at things."  That's what I want.  I want to look at the choices that are before me today.  Not the choices I would have had if my kids were "normal."  Because you know what, they aren't going to be normal.  So that's my challenge.  Look at what I can change and stop feeling sorry for myself about the things that just are.   And I think that is important for all of us -  no matter where we are in this life.  

Sure having kids that speak, read, write, play sports, go to college has been taken from me, but I have so many other things to celebrate!  A few years ago, I was clinging to the hopeful words of our speech therapist.  She said, "Sure Zach will talk, the question is when."  I honestly thought she was crazy.  Now we can have conversations with Zach.  Granted, there are limited topics - but they are conversations!  

So let's look at the choices that are before us - and pray that the Lord gives us the strength to follow His choices for us and not dwell and what we can't have!

Monday, March 2, 2009

Not Me Monday!

Hellooooooo!! My favorite day of the week is here. No, I am NOT crazy, I just love Not Me Monday - and boy has it been a good week!! I hope that you will not laugh your pants off at my expense. You see, Not Me Monday is this blog carnival started by MckMamma at It's our chance to deny all the crazy stuff we did this week - see, it's like free therapy.

Ok, the biggest one is here... My four year old did not draw on 6 walls with a Sharpie while Mark and I were on Monday night date night. And if he did, I would not laugh my head off when I came home and saw the horrified babysitter. She was not completely freaking out - and I was not completely laughing -even when I was not scrubbing with Goof Off and Magic Erasers. By the way, I am not a total fan of Magic Erasers. But... on Friday night when Mark was still at work and I was not mapping my 10 mile run for the next day, the four year old did not strike again. Oh no, there is no way we would have Sharpies anywhere near this kid. So there is NO WAY he "decorated" his brothers room, two doors, and four of the walls he already got!! No, he did NOT because I would NEVER leave him unattended or with a Sharpie... At this point, I did not get really mad at said child and I did not put him in time out until he is 12. I did not sit there and Magically Erase one door while he sat on his bed and whimpered. I did not do that, but if I did, the scene would not look like this:
Ryan: Whimper, whimper, wail, wail
Me: "Ryan, don't you ever write on my walls again!" Scrub, scrub, scrub...
Ryan: Rolls around on bed, tries to get off bed.
Me: "Don't you dare get up! Do you see the mess you made? I'm very mad about what you did."
Ryan: Whimper, whimper, wail, wail...
It didn't work - he was staying put and ended up going right to bed.

Later, I did not give up on getting Sharpie off the wall and I did not leave it until it gets painted.

Ok, next embarrassing moment... I was not one of the auctioneer's at our Church's mission auction. I did not get ribbed by friends saying that it is a dangerous idea to put a microphone in my hand. I was not pretend offended. I mean, please, it's not like there is a short circuit between my brain and my mouth. I do not say what ever is floating through my mind. I am not missing a filter... Anyway, I am not on stage auctioning off this family history package. Basically, a local reporter will record your family history, through interviews, pictures, etc. The bidding was not super low and then it did not go something like this:
Me: "Ok, we have $125... Anyone want $150? Ed will interview your relatives and everything - well, of course the living ones." [I did not specify the living ones, I mean, isn't that obvious?]
I look around and look at the person who bid $100.
Me: "It's only fifty more dollars than your previous bid."
I look around some more.
Me: "Come on guys... For the extra fifty, we'll even dig up the dead ones."

I so did not say that in front of people!!! I would not be horrifyingly embarrassed if I did. I would not turn the color of my red shirt!! But, the worst part was, I did not exactly remember what I said, so I asked the other auctioneer what was so bad - and he said, "DIG them up." Oh - I totally meant find the dead ones. This was not being recorded and possibly put on the Internet.

Speaking of the auction, I did not ask some kids who were giving away a cleaning package if they could remove Sharpies from the wall. I did not bid on the boys when they said they could. I am not going to torture two sweet 8th graders with window cleaning, grout scrubbing, and Sharpie removal!!

On Friday night, I did not go to Agape's Volunteer Appreciation dinner with my twerps. I was not wearing jean shorts and a t-shirt while everyone else was dressed up. My kids did not have dirty faces and dirty clothes. (Might as well perpetuate the stereotype of special needs kids...) I was not a little upset with my husband for not telling me this was a dinner not a picnic!!

And finally, I am not seriously considering moving to a deserted island. I am not tired of taking two special needs children out in public and other "events" like picnics and church dinners. It is not more work than it's worth. Why can't my kids just act like normal, civilized, human beings? Oh that's right, they are not my children with a mom who is telling people for $50 we'll dig up their dead relatives!!

Well, I am not going to end on positives... I did not have a great chat with the kids in Children's Church. I did not explain to them about Zach's differences and my heart did not swell with happiness when two kids were super nice to Zach during Sunday School. Also, I am not already "loving" these two girls who have always been sweet to Zach at school and at church. I do not want to give those girls a million dollars for making me so happy!!

Oh yeah, and some guy did not pay my boys $1 each for helping carry boxes into the post office. I so did not actually take the money - I would never do that... Then we did not go and buy M&M's with the money. I would never let my children accept a reward for doing something they should do anyway!

So, what did you not do this week?