Initially, we were hopeful that we could fix their problem. Then hopeful that we could at least find out what is causing their delay. Then hopeful that we could at least have a name for what's wrong. But all along, we have faced acceptance of the fact that we can't fix it and we don't even know what it is. There are days that I wish I could just have a label, a box to fit in, something to grasp onto, some type of glimpse into what their future holds. But God has not revealed that too us yet. So we keep going through this cycle of hope and acceptance.
One of the things that scares me, and trust me, there is a huge list of scary things, is that I don't know what their future holds. I pray that they can become independent adults. I know that isn't much different than any other parent. But my view of independence keeps changing. That is tough. It seems that every time I turn a corner, I have to dream a new dream. And I guess that's where the whole Jeremiah 29:11 fits in that I talked about a few posts ago.
But today, I was reading in Good Housekeeping about Michael J. Fox's life with Parkinson's Disease. He had a quote that really struck me. He said, "... look at the choices you have, as opposed to the choices that have been taken away from you. Because in the choices, there are whole worlds of strength and new ways to look at things." That's what I want. I want to look at the choices that are before me today. Not the choices I would have had if my kids were "normal." Because you know what, they aren't going to be normal. So that's my challenge. Look at what I can change and stop feeling sorry for myself about the things that just are. And I think that is important for all of us - no matter where we are in this life.
Sure having kids that speak, read, write, play sports, go to college has been taken from me, but I have so many other things to celebrate! A few years ago, I was clinging to the hopeful words of our speech therapist. She said, "Sure Zach will talk, the question is when." I honestly thought she was crazy. Now we can have conversations with Zach. Granted, there are limited topics - but they are conversations!
So let's look at the choices that are before us - and pray that the Lord gives us the strength to follow His choices for us and not dwell and what we can't have!