The thing about forgiveness...

Well, Ryan officially looks like a hockey player. The blue goober hat alone looks like he plays a mean game of hockey - but add the scar above the eyebrow and now a missing front tooth and you have the whole look. Yep, his top front tooth fell out. I'm not surprised, but I'm still disappointed! I hate that he's only four and won't get the permanent tooth for two more years. The tooth was damaged in October and so it actually lasted 6 weeks...

But the missing tooth set off a cascade of emotions and it gets all jumbled and leads to my point. You pretty much have to be privy to our horrible situation this fall to fully appreciate what I'm getting to - but you probably can piece the situation together just from reading this...

Yesterday, the nurse from VES called and said that the speech teacher reports that Ryan's bump is pretty big. I don't recall him falling - but then again, it's pretty much permanent. So I did a mini-freak out (about a 4 on the scale of 1 to 10) and asked a bunch of questions. Mary was pretty much like, stop worrying this is just FYI. So I sent the speech therapist an email and said, "You know, you can call me or send me an email." I think it's pretty obnoxious that she doesn't have the guts to contact me herself - she has to go through the nurse. (Area needing me to forgive number 1).

Then this afternoon, Mark picked the boys up and noticed that Ryan's bump got bigger during the day. So I wrote a note in his folder saying such. I don't want to be accused about it. (Area needing me to forgive number 2).

Then when the tooth fell out, I figured I needed to report this to the masses (teacher and nurse). This is according to the "plan" we established. (Area needing me to forgive number 3).

So this whole thing got me thinking about how unfair it seems that we are held to a higher standard/expectation just because our kids can't talk. It makes me mad that everytime my child is hurt or has a missing tooth prematurely I have to report it to the school. Do other special needs parents have the same expectation. Probably not. So I wish I was the type of person that could make a fuss or sue! But nope, I work for the school district and I'm a non-confrontationalist (except with my DH). Is this harrassment or discrimination? I feel like it - but I think that's just because my emotions are raw. But I do challenge the principal and therapists to walk a mile in my shoes; I bet they would sing a different tune. It's always easier to look at someone else's life and judge, huh? Guilty... (Areas needing me to forgive 4 - 1,000).

Which brings me to the title of this post. I get why Jesus tells us to forgive 7 times 70. It's not just the number of times I'm going to feel offended, its the number of times that I have to pray to forgive! Why is keeping something forgiven so stinkin' hard? But the thing is, when you do forgive, you feel so much better - and you feel released. That person, situation, or event no longer has power over you or your emotions - and isn't that what we want? So I'm going to keep praying and keep giving it back to God. It's a good thing His forgiveness isn't as hard to get as mine is!! His just takes one prayer.

This also brings to mind why it can be so hard to live a faith-filled life. I would love more than anything to make VES squirm in retribution for the junk they are putting us through. But you know what, my job is to praise God and cling to Him. He takes care of the rest. Do you think though, maybe He will listen to some of my ideas? Nah, I didn't think so either.