Saturday, March 13, 2010

Random musings...

I don't update my blog nearly as often as I should! I love blogging, I just haven't taken the time. Not too many people read it, so for me it's a form of journaling.

I've finally made a huge decision, or it feels huge to me... And it is a wonderful feeling! I would like to say I sleep better at night, but well, Zach got me up at 3:30 this morning "reading" to his stuffed animals... for 3 hours!

Anyway... I have contemplated sending my kids to a special school next year instead of their current school. Zach has a phenomenal teacher and aides and he has completely thrived there. Ryan has had great teachers too and next year he would go to Zach's current teacher. Great, right? Well, one part of their education is really lacking and that's the aspect I need to fix. I struggled with changing their school and I was dragging my feet because I don't like change, I love Miss Dana, and its a "normal" school. Also, did I mention I don't like change?

Everyone I would talk to who have worked at the special school or know about it wonder why I am not chomping at the bit to make the change. Well, did I mention I don't like change? That and this one huge reason...

Sending the boys to this school is the final "admittance" that my kids will never lead a "normal" life. Now, I know there is no such thing as normal... But with the special school, I am admitting that my kids will never be mainstreamed. They will never play regular sports or experience the stuff that comes with a normal school. I have known this day would come and I'm finally ready to embrace what that means. Ok, with tears in my eyes...

I know this may not seem like a big deal to most people. But raising only special needs kids means some of my dreams have had to change. And this is tough.

So instead of crying too much, I'm going to focus on what the new school can offer:

  • A fresh start

  • Therapists who can work with extreme kids

  • Amazing assistive technology

  • A chance to avoid bullying because they are different

  • Friendships that come with everyone understanding you

  • Weekly swimming

  • Frequent field trips

One thing I've seen through Special Olympics is how bonded the kids are who go to this school. They are so much like regular school kids - only having special needs isn't an issue.

So I'm embracing the change and the uncertainty that comes with it.

It feels good to make a decision and not have the decision made for me!

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