My Guys are Lucky...

In my quest to focus on the positive and not be in constant "pity party mode", I've noticed a few reasons why my kids are lucky to have special needs.

Last weekend, we went to a Super Bowl birthday party for one of Zach's school mates.  Zach has two friends with the same name who are his absolute best friends in the entire world.  Anytime he has a chance to reference a friend or talk about a friend, he is talking about one of these guys.  When he sees them, he's absolutely ecstatic and runs to give him a hug. (Sometimes they will even make kissy noises.)  They jump up and down and dance when they see each other.

I love this example of pure friendship!  They enjoy each other and they aren't afraid to show it.  They aren't worried about what "someone will say" - they care about each other.  They hug.  So what if they are "tweeners" and should just high five or smile.  How many other guys their age can openly show their friendship.

My guys are lucky.  If they are excited to see their bestie - they hug.  Conversely, if they are upset, they can cry.  They don't have to have any pretenses.  They are lucky!

Today, we were at a popular playground and it was crawling with kids from a birthday party.  A little girl ran around and said, "It's time for cake! Come on, it's time for cake!"  My guys like cake and they heard someone telling people to come get cake.  So what if they weren't a part of the party...

So of course, off they ran.  Being the great parent that I am, I didn't see them run to the party.  But a few minutes later, I noticed Zach and Ryan enjoying a piece of cake...  I was mortified, but the party mom was gracious enough to let my guys eat cake.  She actually thought it was the part of the day!!  Not too many other kids their age could get away with that...

They are lucky!

Not the End of the World

I keep thinking about blogging more and I've written many posts (in my head)...  But this thought struck me as I was wasting time on Facebook.  Having a special needs child is not the worst thing in this life.  It's not the end of the world.  I will admit, at first, it seems like it might be the end of the world, but you get used to it and you learn things you never would have learned before.

I grieve.  I grieve what I wanted my children to be and do.  I get a little upset when I realize that Zach should be sitting in my class of 7th graders and he is not...  But I have dreamed new dreams for my boys.

A little while ago, I had a conversation with someone and I mentioned that I get upset about things my kids are missing out on.  But I realize that they don't know what they are missing; I'm missing it for them and why am I upset if they aren't?  They don't realize that they aren't going to slumber parties.  They don't realize that they don't have an Instagram, Facebook or Twitter.  They don't realize that they should have piles of homework or have to take some ridiculous civics test to pass 7th grade.  So if they aren't upset, why am I?

My boys have a pretty good life.  They don't have everything they want, but they have everything they need.  They travel, they've been to Disney, they get bored, they get in trouble, they have parents who love them, food on the table, a roof over their heads, and electronics.  They are told "no", they are told "yes", they are loved, they are cherished, they are happy.  In fact, they are down right joyful.  How many tweeners do you know who are full of joy?  I work with them and I can say in all honesty that they aren't all full of joy - some are, but not all.  My kids aren't bullied, my  kids aren't teased, my kids have innocent friendships.  They don't have boy/girl drama, no cyber-bullying, no drugs (well, do seizure and ADHD drugs count?), and they don't have negative peer pressure.  Not a bad deal...

So I will be the first to admit that I did not sign up for parenting special needs children, and I would love to know what it's like to parent a "typical" child.  But this life isn't the end of the world.  At the end of the day, I have children who love me and are loved.  What more could a parent ask for?

Late at night when I couldn't  sleep, I used to blame myself.  Was it the Tylenol I took? Was it the processed food I ate? Was it the cleaning supplies I bought at the big box store? That sounds crazy, right? But what else am I supposed to think when I read the "research".

I can drive myself crazy and eliminate every toxin in my environment, make every meal from scratch, and second guess every product and choice that I make.

Or... I could do the best I can to provide the best options for my kids and treat myself with grace.  I'm not advocating that we clean with carcinogens, but isn't there some balance we need to achieve? Perhaps I'm feeling defensive or want to justify my choices...  But I've endured enough judgmental comments that I bristle easily when this topic comes up.

Anyway...

Kids with special needs have a specific purpose for their lives - just like every other person on this planet.  And I'm reminded that my special needs kids have touched people in ways that typical children might not be able to.  So I'm the lucky that my world didn't end when we discovered that our kids have developmental delays, low tone, seizures, and are intellectually disabled.  Even though I would love to have a diagnosis, my out of the box kids are the beginning of a world only a few are privileged enough to be a part of.

Silver Airways

He did it!  Mark did it!  After three crazy weeks, he was offered a first officer job for Silver Airways.  On September 23rd, he started the adventure with ground school.  He has to learn all the FAA regulations and all the nitty-gritty details about the airplane he will be flying.

I feel like God gave him this job and made the path smooth, but I still get anxious.  Sometimes I worry about the lack of income and the bills that are piling up. (It's a lie that pilots make crazy, good money...  only the really senior captains of big airplanes roll in the dough.)  But when the anxiety starts to creep in, I have to remind myself that God is in control of this and he will work out the details.  He has yet to make us eat dirt and live in a cardboard box; I don't think He will start now.  

I know that we won't see much of Mark in the next few months, but I also know that it will get better as he gets more seniority.  I also know that once he can carry his own insurance, I will effectively get a "raise".  I hope to get to the point that we can live off my income and save his.  Hey! A girl can dream...

Mark also plans on selling his airplane, we have had to put $1500 of fuel bladders into the stupid thing and that is not counting the cost of labor!  Hopefully he is correct and we can sell the thing pretty quickly...  

We don't know where Mark's base will be, he put in his bid today.  It will probably be Mississippi, Virginia, West Virginia or Pennsylvania.  How is that for being narrowed down?  I figure he will have to find a crash pad and that is another source of worry.  But again, I know God has it figured out!  We also don't know what his schedule will be and how often he will be able to come home.  I think that will change monthly...  

I just know we are in a transition and God is in charge!!

Onto Bigger and (Hopefully) Better

The end of an era.  Time to move on. When one door closes another one opens. See ya later, alligator.

Whatever cliche you want to use, it fits. The last three weeks have been one, huge source of stress, but God has guided our footsteps each step of the way.

On August 22nd, I called my parents on my way home from work to wish them a happy 49th anniversary and as I was getting out of the car, a wet nose goosed me.  I wondered how Brewster got out of the house and then realized, Mark was home.  Early.  I don't know about you, but if my husband is home early, I only assume one thing and it isn't good news.  Sure enough, he learned that his job position was changing and they wanted to cut his hours by a fourth.  That was the final straw and we felt God telling us it was time to move on.  We talked and had no idea what he was going to do next, but we knew God would provide.  He took that afternoon and the following day off to pray.

That weekend, a dear friend of Mark's told him he would help him get hired at a regional airline.  Rob completely did Mark's resume, cover letter, and had it walked in.  Within two weeks of giving his notice at his old job, he had an interview lined up. In between being asked to interview and actually having the interview, Mark had to take the ATP written exam (no easy test) and get a physical.  There were a few glitches in the process, but God worked them all out - and quickly.

Three weeks to the day, he interviewed and was offered the job!

He reports to ground school the day after my birthday!  The big 4-0.  I love how it all adds up - a new season, a new decade.

I know having Mark work for the airline will be difficult and I won't see him much for the first few years, but being an airline pilot has been off and on his radar for twenty years!  Let's see how it goes...

And God lined the pieces up so nicely...  I am hopeful that we will get into a groove and God will bless us in the new adventure!

The Ways I wish I were like Zach

I was thinking about what I've learned from my kids and what qualities I wish I had.  I think God gives extra things to the people who have bigger obstacles than the rest of us. Zach is intellectually disabled and there are things that he can't do and won't ever do. But there are times that he is perfectly "normal" and logical.  And sometimes he has phrases that are just so age appropriate it makes me smile.  For example, when he is apologizing, he cries, he says he's sorry, he asks for a tissue and has recently added this gem: "I won't ever do it again."  So normal.

Some of the pictures are tiny and I have an explanation for that, but I won't bore you with it.  But here are some of the qualities I need to nurture in myself:

Complete awe and amazement during movies!  He discovered 3D for the first time this summer and it's more fun to watch him try and grab things than it is to actually watch the movie.  He's not afraid to jump up and try to grab the animation.  Such fun...

Know what you like and play with it... Talk about it... And just have fun!  Zach loves 3 things right now: Pirates, Monsters University, and Mermaids.  He talks about them NONSTOP and plays with them every opportunity he has.  

Working out is fun - just don't commit to doing it for too long.  Here he is using a foam roller as a barbell.  He's having a great time and he's not afraid to show the world how I work out.  In fact he's happy to demonstrate it at any time.

Eat what you like!  If you mainly eat apples and bananas, then chocolate won't be a problem!

Don't be afraid to wear your super hero cape!

The Obligatory Year in Review

Obviously I haven't blogged much this year, so here is a summary of my favorite memories of 2012. They are in no particular order, but I've chosen 12 because ya know... it seems appropriate!

 January... We got annual passes to Busch Gardens, unfortunately, we only went 3 times.  Here's a few lessons learned: Don't put your child on the new roller coaster right away.  He will be afraid of everything else.  Mother's Day is an excellent time for B.G.  We walked up to every ride!!

 In February we got our 4.5 year old dog, Brewster!  He's a perfect dog (except when he gets in the trash or eats chocolate.)

 In March, Grandma and Grandpa came for a visit!  I think they are Zach's favorite people...

 In April, I went to Indiana for my dad's retirement party!  I got to go by myself and it was a wonderful weekend with my parents!!  I hope to do more visits with them by myself...

This spring, we started playing TOPS Soccer - it's special needs soccer and each child has a buddy.  The boys love it and are much more involved than when they play Challenger Baseball!!

 I took my motorcycle class and Zach is sportin' my safety gear while he rides his scooter.  Safety first!!

In July we went on a road trip to Indiana and Michigan.  Our car broke down outside of Knoxville and that was stressful.  The boys were annoying and that was stressful.  But when not driving, we had a wonderful time!  Taking the boat to Power Island is certainly a highlight.  We also celebrated Zach's 11th birthday with family in Zionsville.  Zach loved that Grandma made his cake.  His favorite present was the whoopie cushion from Uncle Doug and Aunt Carla.

 What's not to love about the start of a school year?  Zach is in 6th grade with Mrs. Peters and Ryan is in 2nd grade with Ms. Dziadik.  We LOVE their teachers and are impressed by the great job they do!!

Challenger Baseball...

The moment Zach's birthday was over, he started talking about Halloween.  He wanted to be a "Yee-haw Cowboy".  And Ryan *had* to be Buzz Lightyear.  We bought the costume in September but had to hide it because he was waking up waaaay to early to wear the costume.  On November 1st, he changed his focus to Christmas... just like the Big Box Stores...

 Ryan turned 8!!!  My baby... 8!!!

Zach loved the traditions of Christmas.  Immediately after Halloween, he started talking about it...  We put the decorations up after Thanksgiving and every night Zach asked if it was time to make cookies for Santa.

Some of my favorite lines of the year: 
* While the boys play restuarant, Zach says, "What you want?" and then writes your order.  Ryan asks, "Ah-ah?" This is his way of asking, "How many hot dogs do you want?"
* We let Zach answer the phone during all the political calls... he had plenty of opportunity to ask, "What you be?" As in... what's your halloween costume?
* When Zach wants your attention and you don't answer immediately, he says, "You-who!"
* Zach has learned that presents are "Secrets"... not hat he doesn't tell you what's in it!
* Brewster is known as "Boober".

Thanks for looking... we have some big goals for 2013!!  I will share those soon!!

Ryan is 8!

Wow!  How is my little munchkin/peanut/shrimpy-shrimp/littlest one/tumbleweed eight years old?  How can he get older and I stay the same age?

Ryan is the little one who will melt your heart with hugs, kisses and this gigantic grin.  He loves to help and does so without being asked.  One of his favorite things is to hand out the snacks or dinner plates. He is always so concerned that Zach gets his food first!  He will chase Zach around the house to give him the first snack.

Ryan is the one who loves to play computer, loves to take pictures and look at pictures, he loves to climb and bounce around.  He does this little hop thing that is just so adorable.

But Ryan is also the one who is super stubborn and knows exactly what buttons to push to send you over the edge.

Ryan has come so far and is really trying to communicate without grunts and hitting.  I know he gets frustrated when we don't understand what he wants, but this is where being stubborn is a positive... he doesn't give up until we get it.

I've often wondered if I would have had Ryan if I had known he would have the same "funk" as Zach.  The answer is yes!  He brings so much joy and I know God has a huge plan for his life and it will be accomplished through his "funk".  (As I type this, he is tipping chairs over.) I know God created Ryan exactly the way He wanted him to be.  So like all parents, we have the huge job of shaping him into the best he can be!