As we were heading out the door to go to church, the boys dropped an entire basket of crayons on the ground and then just left it there. I am not proud to admit that I got pretty mad. Looking back, I was mad because I felt defeated. I felt like all I ever do is clean up after people. The boys responded to my anger and cleaned up the crayons. I wish I could say they responded to my love, but I didn't exactly exude warm, cozy, motherly feelings.
So we make it to church and the boys were awesome! Today was the first day that Ryan was not a pest during the service. And in the middle of one of the songs, Ryan looked at me, put his arms up and gave me a great big hug. But was that enough to take away my "blah"? Of course not. I would rather wallow in my pity than celebrate the successes.
After church, I begrudgingly grocery shopped (another joy/energy sucking activity).
I am sitting on the lanai, trying to get my groove back. I don't want to just exist. I want to thrive, I want to be full of joy. I'm hoping this blogging will help me get my priorities straight!
Thanks for "listening"... I think it's helping. Well, not to mention the respite care we get this afternoon. But before Ryan's teacher comes over to hang out with kids, guess what I have to do?
CLEAN UP!!! Aaarrrggghh... On second thought, maybe I will do that when I'm in a better frame of mind.