Hmm... Something to think about

I'm a librarian. Actually, I'm a media specialist, but anyway, I read a lot of books for young adults.

I just finished this great book (Anything but Typical by Nora Raleigh Baskin) about a boy with autism. It is written from his perspective and it lets you see "inside" a child with autism. He and his mom go on a trip and the mom witnesses her son in his first social situation as a tween.

On the plane ride home, the mom says, "I want you to know this trip has been one of the best things I've ever done. All this time, I thought I was supposed to be teaching you. I was wrong. I thought you were supposed to learn how to get along without me. Btu it was me all along. It is me who needs you Jason. You've taught me so much this trip. You've taught me about being brave."

I think all children teach us adults and parents. But I think special needs kids teach us about being brave. It's tough for a neurotypical (that's what Jason calls us "normal" people) to get through this life in relatively one piece. But think how much harder it is if the world isn't set up for the way your brain and body work!

So I'm thankful that my kids are teaching me. They are teaching me to be compassionate. They are teaching me to look at the world from a different perspective. They are teaching me joy. And most importantly, they are teaching me to be brave!"

Not Me! Monday

Remember this? Where you deny what really happened... hoping people believe that you really have your act together! Or if you feel guilty about what's going on in your family... you realize that we all have goofs!

So here goes a Not me! Monday after many, many, many Mondays of not "Not Me"ing.

I'll start out with the biggest thing I need to deny...

I did NOT yell at my kids after they dropped a basket of crayons the minute we needed to leave for church. No, I would never "lose it" over something that can be fixed. And I would never in the middle of my yelling realize how ridiculous I sounded and keep yelling! No, I'm a perfect mom every time!

I did NOT spend an ungodly amount of time cleaning up baby powder. Because I always closely supervise my children, there is no way my little darling son would take it upon himself to apply his own baby powder. And even if he did, it would not be all over the family room or follow him like a cloud.

This will be continued after I think of other fun stuff to deny... Check back later!

Oh - I did not give my kids brooms and have them sweep their toys to the correct location! They were NOT excited to actually clean up!! I did NOT feel like a winner!!

I did NOT almost die after running 12 miles last Friday only to plot my next 12 mile run today. Seriously - those 12 miles felt like a marathon. Or wiat - did NOT feel like a marathon since I'm denying. Nevermind... I'm proud of those 12 miles even if it did hurt!

Just one of those days

Today is one of those days. The kind where I'm just going through the motions. Nothing is wrong, per say... it's just a blah feeling day. I guess you could say I'm weary.

As we were heading out the door to go to church, the boys dropped an entire basket of crayons on the ground and then just left it there. I am not proud to admit that I got pretty mad. Looking back, I was mad because I felt defeated. I felt like all I ever do is clean up after people. The boys responded to my anger and cleaned up the crayons. I wish I could say they responded to my love, but I didn't exactly exude warm, cozy, motherly feelings.

So we make it to church and the boys were awesome! Today was the first day that Ryan was not a pest during the service. And in the middle of one of the songs, Ryan looked at me, put his arms up and gave me a great big hug. But was that enough to take away my "blah"? Of course not. I would rather wallow in my pity than celebrate the successes.

After church, I begrudgingly grocery shopped (another joy/energy sucking activity).

I am sitting on the lanai, trying to get my groove back. I don't want to just exist. I want to thrive, I want to be full of joy. I'm hoping this blogging will help me get my priorities straight!

Thanks for "listening"... I think it's helping. Well, not to mention the respite care we get this afternoon. But before Ryan's teacher comes over to hang out with kids, guess what I have to do?

CLEAN UP!!! Aaarrrggghh... On second thought, maybe I will do that when I'm in a better frame of mind.

Wacky Wednesday (a.k.a. A Day Off With My "Sick" Kid)

We are just going to ignore the fact that his has been a kagillion years since I blogged last.

If you are a working mom, you probably understand the difficult decision as to whether or not your child is too sick for school.  I am never good at this guessing game.  Yesterday, I figured Zach was ok for school.  He had a fever by 3:30pm and was feeling pretty yucky when he got home.

I never gave him any ibuprofen or anything because I was making dinner. After about a half an hour, he was bouncing around and I figured the worst of it was over.  Around 6:15, I gathered the boys to take them to the playground.  Zach insisted he did not want to go and all of a sudden he crumpled up on the couch and stayed there until 8:30 pm.

Yes, the fever was back with a vengeance. I pretty much figured I wouldn't be going to work today...

Now we'll get the actual Wednesday part... I got up early to do my usual Wednesday morning workout.  I checked on Zach, but didn't take his temperature.  He felt a little warm, but not too bad.  I came home from my workout and Ryan was already up (Ugh.  Wacky event #1).  By 7am, I went to check on Z and his fever was somewhere around 101.  I say, somewhere, because I don't think our thermometer is accurate.  I ask Zach how he is feeling and he indicates he wants to stay home.  So, I call in sick.

Not even five minutes later, Zach comes bouncing out of his room.  He has changed clothes and is ready for school.  His eyes don't look too good - kind of that half open glazed look.  The fever appears to be gone and he hadn't coughed.  He pretty much wants to go to school.

Since I'm a teacher, I can't un-call-in because they order a sub for me. So we tell Z that he isn't going to school.  Tears, big, gigantic, meltdown tears.  And from that point on, we noticed he didn't have any coping skills.  I guess that is the "still sick" part of him.

Anyway, I get Ryan ready and while we finish the morning rituals, Zach is just getting so angry with Ryan.  Everything Ryan did made Zach mad.  Finally as Ryan and I go to wait for the bus, Zach says, "Hug?" and gives Ryan a hug and then he literally shoves him out the door.  I hear the click of the lock.

I give Zach his usual seizure meds, but skipped the ADHD meds thinking he would be mellow from his illness.

Wrong.  Very, very wrong.

He was pretty mellow in the morning - he watched cartoons and helped my clean out several drawers.  Then we went to the store.  Spaz.  While at Publix, he was reaching into the bulk candy (yes, with his grubby bare hands).  I pull his arm out and then lead him away - but without touching him.  He says, "Ow!!!" and I reply, "Let me guess, I'm hurting you."  (All the grandparents in the store got a chuckle out of this because they've been there and they are thankful those days are long gone...)

This is getting a bit wordy... So here are the quick wackiness events:
"Washing" my van with the dust mop - that he got wet.
Slithering on the ground like a snake.
Pulling all the kleenex out of the box and making it snow.
Trying to help with laundry by pouring half the bottle of detergent all over the floor.
Yelling at his socks because they are yucky and should go to their room.
Telling a towel that it is hurting him.
Singing to himself, naked, for a VERY long time. (This was after the towel hurt him.)
Wearing his underwear on his head (clean thankfully)
Not being able to go to the bathroom and saying his body is broken and he needs a new one.

And we still have 4 more hours to the day.

I definitely should have sent him to school.