Monday, July 18, 2011

A box...

So has it really been two and a half months since I've blogged? I'd believe it. A lot has happened and before I get to what's really on my mind, I'll share the highlights:
1. Summer Vacation
2. Mission trip to Belle Glade with the most amazing high school kids. Ever.
3. Normal summer routine.
4. Visit from long-time friends.
5. Sunburn
6. Normal summer nothingness
7. Mission trip to San Juan, Dominican Republic with the most amazing high school kids.
8. Upcoming high school reunion.
9. Upcoming return to work two weeks sooner than normal.

Now that the summary is out of the way, I can get to what is on my heart.

Back in April we repeated genetics tests on Zach. We redid a chromosomal microray analysis and the Fragile X screener. I got the results today and guess what? My son is NORMAL. Now, if you know my son or have heard me talk about my son you will know he is as far from normal as they come.

My initial reaction was, of course, tears. I cried. I just want to know what they have. I know I can't fix it and I can't make it better, but I can at least have a group to belong to! So in the middle of my tears, my irrational brain spiraled out of control. Here are a few of my STUPID thoughts...
God can't use us when we don't know what is wrong
Why do I even bother anymore... why should I keep trying to find out
We are destined to be alone forever floating out in no where land
And so on...

I ended up putting my frustration as my Facebook Status, grabbed my Bible, journal and beach chair and headed to the place I go to see clearly. The beach.

I started reading my Bible and asked God to fill me with his truth. Of course, I'm reading through the Bible in a year and right now I'm reading the prophets and it's not exactly the most encouraging reading. Jeremiah is telling Judah that they are about to get God's wrath full-on! So I journaled a bit and processed my thoughts. Then a message came through and it was a FB reply from a friend. She reminded me that I do have a box! Loved and a Child of God. She offered to make a form and check those boxes. I might just make a form and hide it so I run across it every now and again. Here are the boxes I can include:

Child of God (check)
Loved by God and so many others (check)
Created for a purpose (check)
Friend of God (check)

There are a few other boxes to add, but you get the idea! So I was reminded that God uses us, exactly as we are. We don't need to be perfect, have a label, or have a plan. He will reveal to me my next step if I would just be quiet and listen. My first step is to turn to the Voice of Truth and forget about the rest.

Won't you join me on that journey? And remind me when I get to far ahead of myself or doubt that God can use a family with two sons with generic developmental delays?

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