I don't really know how to start this post. I don't exactly know how to say this without sounding bad for a variety of reasons. So, I'm just going to jump right in...
Last summer one of my work besties lost her son in a horrible motorcycle accident. I have witnessed first hand how God sustains her. I have seen Jesus be her only hope and comfort. I have felt useless as I see her struggle through the pain.
Last week, one of Agape's missionaries in Haiti lost their four year old daughter to cancer. And while I don't know the Whittakers, my heart is breaking. I can't imagine the pain, but I have better idea because of Patti has shared her struggles with me.
I often feel sorry for myself because I will never be a grandmother, I will never be a mother-in-law. In a sense, I mourn my boys' futures.
And then, I think about Susanah's parents. They won't be able to walk her down the aisle or hold her newborn baby.
And this is where I get so mad at myself. I get to see the joy on Zach and Ryan's face when they are happy. Or the tears when they are upset. I get to snuggle with them in the morning. I get to kiss them good night. I get to receive hugs when they get on the bus each morning. I get to put them in time out when they do something they shouldn't. So while their future isn't what I wanted when I started to dream about being a parent, but they have a future. They have a Jesus who created them exactly as they are for a purpose only they can fulfill.
Why can't it be enough for me? Why does it take someone else's pain for me to put my life into perspective? Why do I continually act like the brat that didn't get her Christmas stocking filled?
How do I make this perspective stick?