Wednesday, August 26, 2009

All sorts of grumbly things to say...

I prayed and prayed that this school year would be better than last year. Some pretty lousy things happened last year and I prayed that it was all behind us. Not so much. Apparently, some teacher at the school saw me get grumpy with my children at the splash fountain and said something to my son's teacher. Am I the only parent in the world that gets stern with her kids? Am I the only parent in the world that doesn't hover over her children every second of the day? Apparently I am. I could go on and on, but that won't help me leave this at the Lord's feet. Believe me, I have some things I would like to say to "Mrs. Perfect-Parent" but what good would it do? Although if I ever find out who it was, I will certainly ask her to walk a mile in my shoes and ask her for parenting tips.

So after venting with my two dear friends, I decided to go to the gym and run off this frustration. While in the locker room, I ran into someone I know - who I can really relate to and what her to become a friend - and I told her about it. I was just about in tears again.

Finally I make it to the treadmill, plug in my iPod and start running. The problem was, I forgot my ear buds and had to borrow these really cheap headphones. I could only hear drums and guitars. But on the third song, God had something to say. I heard the words to the following song, crystal clear...

I know this song is about something much more gigantic than my situation. I know there is a whole lot worse out there. But this song brings me comfort and since this is my blog, I can share it and relate to it!

Breath of Heaven by Amy Grant
I have traveled many moonless night
Cold and Weary, with a babe inside
And I wonder what I've done
Holy Father, You have come
Chosen me now to carry your son

I am waiting in a silent prayer
I am frightened by the load I bear
In a world as cold as stone
Must I walk this path alone
Be with me now
Be with me now

Breath of Heaven
Hold me together
Be forever near me
Breath of Heaven

Breath of Heaven
Lighten my darkness
Pour over me, your holyness
For your holy
Breath of Heaven

Do you wonder
As you watch my face
If a wiser one, should of had my place
But I offer-all I am
For the mercy-of your plan
Help me be strong
Help me be
Help me

Sometimes, ok, all the time, I do not feel equipped to be the mom of Zach and Ryan. But I know God chose me. And since He chose me, he will "Help me be strong". But I do wonder if He ever wishes he chose someone better; I know I sometimes wish He had.

So for the one person who might read this, please pray for my family and this school year. I just want a smooth one. I don't want to harbor these feelings towards my chidlrens' school.

On a positive note... my kids actual classroom teachers and aides are PHENOMENAL and they are the primary reason we still go to the school.


Beckie said...

I've never heard that song but this post makes me want to go download it. I'm fighting off the baby blues right now and trying to be good mommy to my 2 kiddos at the same time and it's just so hard somedays. It's comforting to know that I'm not the only one who has ever wondered if God chose me to be where I am, on accident. Thank you for sharing this post, it's a powerful one :) I will be more than happy to pray for you and the kiddos and those pesky trouble makers.

Prachar family said...

Oh, Kristen, I am glad she didn't hear me scream at my kids when their room is a disaster and they haven't obeyed me the first time I have asked. OH, it is so hard to be the perfect mom every, its impossible! God isn't finished with any of us yet!