Tuesday, December 13, 2011

So stinkin' hard

Here I am having a lovely day, enjoying life and thankful for all the blessings I have. Three days until Christmas Break and kids who are uber excited about Christmas. Finally, Zach gets that Christmas is not about Santa, but about Jesus' birthday. I'm feeling pretty good.

Then wham! A phone call that gets me shaking. Literally. I'm not going to elaborate on that phone call, but it's not a good one. And now I'm faced with something I am ill-prepared to deal with. And I don't know what to do or even what questions to ask. I'm stunned. Then, the realization that I need to talk to Mark about this- and that is going to suck. A lot.

I hurry home only to find out that he isn't here yet because of a super-long meeting at work. So four hours after the initial yucky phone call, I still haven't had a chance to talk to Mark. And this is driving me crazy, but is not the point of this post.

But the bottom line is, I find that I need to forgive two people. The one person who did something much worse is easier to forgive. The person who should be easier to forgive is much harder. Why is that? And why is it so stinkin' hard to forgive? I know it's important, I know why I have to, I just don't know HOW. I pray. I ask God but it seems like there should be more to the process. I don't know... like whack myself on the head with a thick Bible or say a certain prayer. So instead I will focus on scripture that addresses forgiveness.

And I will be thankful that it's not hard for God to forgive me. And that prayers of protection work. And that God made us all different and if everyone were like me, the world would be an even bigger train wreck. I am not sure that I will ever like this second person, but I can't let him take up so much space in my brain. Not forgiving him will not make this person nicer, more loving, or less legalistic. Not forgiving will make me equally bad.

Any hints on how to forgive? Now accepting all suggestions...

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