Inferiority

I'm going to start my rambling thoughts with this quote from the Beth Moore Bible Study on the Book of Daniel: "You've been chosen, Dear One, by the God of all creation for a life worth living. And you feel inferior?"

Can you say, "Bucket of tears running down my face?"

I often feel like a crappy mom or an inferior mom because my children don't measure up in society's eyes. Because people pity me because my children are intellectually disabled. It's an ugly thing for me to feel this way, but you know that pity is out there. But what's even uglier is that I fall for it!

But fortunately God keeps whispering to me that He created my boys for a purpose. A divine purpose that only they can fulfill. And while this is true of all children, it's especially true for my boys. He made them this way so He could use them in ways that go beyond "normal" children.

So tonight I'm sobbing, but not because I feel inferior, but because I'm so grateful that God whispers these truths to me when the world shouts that our children must be smarter, faster, and better looking than the others.

And I need to remember that my family is chosen by the God of the Universe. And you know what... Your family is chosen too - but for a different purpose! How cool is this?

Randomness

I have blogged in, oh, about a million years. It's not that I haven't had much going on, it's quite the opposite - I just haven't taken the time to get my thoughts on the screen!

School is going absolutely, positively, wonderfully well. I LOVE my 6th graders and it is so much fun to spend an hour with them each day. I would like to say that my lessons are super planned and I'm never feeling stressed about what we are going to be doing that week... But, the kids are the bestest! I also LOVE being in the library all day. We have a ton of kids coming through and checking out books. I would love to say that I don't get annoyed saying the same thing a 100 times (like where to return books) but, ya know...

Oak Park has been phenomenal for my kids and they are doing so well at their new school. I got a worksheet from Zach the other day and he actually drew a bird - that looked like a bird! And, he answered questions about birds. He's finally in "big boy" school and seems to be thriving! Ryan is learning how to write with a really cool program called "Handwritting without Tears".

So everything is perfect right? No... I'm struggling with being nice - especially when I come home to a disaster of a house. I feel like I'm putting in my all at work and then again at home. I'm tired and unfortunately, Mark gets the brunt of it...

And then, there's my on-going struggle. Jealousy. I keep forgetting that God gave me Zach and Ryan because He has something incredible to do through them - just the way He created them. And I need to get over the fact that they aren't normal and I can't be jealous of people who shouldn't have "normal" children, but do. How awful and ugly is that jealousy???? Can't believe I even said that aloud...

Ok, time to continue my scrapbooking binge...

Another song I love!

Never Been Unloved by Michael W. Smith

I have been unfaithful
I have been unworthy
I have been unrighteous
And I have been unmerciful

I have been unreachable
I have been unteachable
I have been unwilling
And I've been undesireable

And sometimes I have been unwise
I've been undone by what I'm unsure of
But because of you
And all that you went through
I know that I have never been unloved

I have been unbroken
I have been unmended
I have been unesy
And I've been unapproachable

I've been unemotional
I've been unexceptional
I've been undecided
And I have been unqualified

Unaware - I have been unfair
I've been unfit for blessings from above
But eve I can see
The sacrifice You made for me
To show that I have never been unloved

It's because of you
And all that you went through
I know that I have never been unloved

- - - -
Have you ever felt that way?

Back to School!

I love August/September. I groan and bellyache about going back to work after a summer off, but really, truly I love it! I love school supplies. I love the promise of a new beginning. I love the excitement. I love the fresh notebooks. I love the eager faces of the kids. I love starting memories with a new bunch of kids. I love watching my children pick out their backpack and lunchbox. I love paychecks. I love it all.

I realized just now what an honor it is to be a teacher. Seriously. I can tangibly help the future. I can help a child see her potential. I can show him new things. I can let her know I believe in her. Not many other jobs can say the same thing.

So when I'm frustrated with parents or annoyed with behaviors or feel squashed by "rules" and programs, I have to remember the bottom line... I'm shaping the future.

My friend Mary Alampi put this as her status and she is so right on... OK, I'm just gonna say it: I'm so excited! I know I will be exhausted. I know it will be near chaos. I'm certain I will have very little time to eat and maybe no time to use the restroom. Still, tomorrow is the first day middle school for a new batch of future adults, leaders, and valuable, irreplaceable people. What an honor!

What an honor and privlidge. Let's make this the best year yet!

Follow You by Leeland

I think the next few blogs will be images and thoughts from the Mission Trip I just returned from. True to His word, God changed our hearts and did a mighty big work in us. Many times we leave for short term missions, we think we will change the world. Not this time - at least not immediately. I believe the twenty four of us who went experienced God changing us.

Before the trip, I thought this song by Leeland was ok. But now that I'm back, I really love it!

Follow You by Leeland

You lived among the least of these

The weary and the weak

And it would be a tragedy for me to turn away

All my needs you have supplied

When I was dead you gave me life

How could I not give it away so freely?

And I'll follow you into the homes that are broken

Follow you into the world

Meet the needs of the poor and needy God

Follow you into the world

Use my hands, use my feet

To make your kingdom come

to the corners of the earth

Until your work is done

'Cause faith without works is dead

And on the cross your blood was shed

So how could I not give it away so freely?

And I'll follow you into the homes that are broken
Follow you into the world
Meet the needs of the poor and needy God
Follow you into the world

I give all my self
I give all my self
I give all my self... to you


And I give all myself
Yes, I give all myself
And I give all myself... to you.

I don't have many pictures from the worksites and I regret that... so in the blogs to come, you will just have to trust what I'm talking about. Until then, enjoy these pictures of the most incredible high schoolers I know. I consider it a privilege that I get to share in their life!

Wordless Wednesday from Mission Trip to Nashville, TN

Hopefully I'll add some pictures from the worksites... Stay tuned!

Lyrics from a favorite song

I love, love, love the first verse of this song. It's kinda like my platform... Or my thing. If we all act like our lives our perfect, we are doing more damage than good. There is so much to gain when we are real with ourselves, each other, and our GOD!

Healing Begins by Tenth Avenue North
So you thought you had to keep this up
All the work that you do
So we think that you're good
And you can't believe it's not enough
All the walls you built up
Are just glass on the outside
So let 'em fall down
There's freedom waiting in the sound
When you let your walls fall to the ground
We're here now

This is where the healing begins, oh
This is where the healing starts
When you come to where you're broken within
The light meets the dark
The light meets the dark

Afraid to let your secrets out
Everything that you hide
Can come crashing through the door now
But too scared to face all your fear
So you hide but you find
That the shame won't disappear
So let it fall down
There's freedom waiting in the sound
When you let your walls fall to the ground
We're here now
We're here now, oh

This is where the healing begins, oh
This is where the healing starts
When you come to where you're broken within
The light meets the dark
The light meets the dark

Sparks will fly as grace collides
With the dark inside of us
So please don't fight
This coming light
Let this blood come cover us
His blood can cover us

This is where the healing begins, oh
This is where the healing starts
When you come to where you're broken within
The light meets the dark
The light meets the dark

I look at this song and think about the pain I feel when I think about the fact that my children will never be "normal". Sometimes I feel like I have to be strong about it - all the time - that it is not ok to let others now I grieve the childhood my children won't have. I feel like I have to look at the positives all the time. But if I admit my fears and grief, God can take it and turn it into something genuine and beautiful.

But I also see this song from a different angle. I just got back from a mission trip to Nashville, TN. We worked with homeless and recovery programs. We saw time and again how God used a broken person and made them into an amazing new creation. This songs speaks to that as well.